Reasons for Low Libido Women’s health
There are a bunch of obvious reasons why you might not want to have sex on any given night: you’ve had a hell of a day at work (long bath> sex), you’re having a breakdown of depression or anxiety. , you haven’t slept a full eight hours in a week. You got the idea. It all comes down to the fact that sometimes you just don’t have the desire or the energy to strip down and roll over.
But since a woman’s libido is complex and multifaceted, there may also be other issues involved, which you may not even know are issues. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable in your body, or your partner has said something that you can’t seem to shake. We turned to a Houston area sex therapist Marie Jo Rapini for some answers. She says if you came to see her worried about your lack of libido, these are the things she would talk to you about. Here’s what you need to know and how to get back on track:
You hold on to a grudge
If you’ve been with your partner for a while and you hold onto your anger, it will be difficult to feel all vigorous for them. “A woman needs to easily feel loved and connected to her partner. Resentment keeps you from feeling free to slip away during sex, which is essential for wanting and enjoying it, ”says Rapini. She suggests doing something cool together, like going to the movies, and then talking about your problem afterwards. It’s a great way to break the ice and have an honest conversation.
You don’t feel good about your body
It’s probably not shocking to have this on the list, but it’s worth keeping in mind. You might be avoiding sex because of something your partner has inadvertently said about your body, or because you have body blockages that keep you from getting in the mood. Practicing self-acceptance certainly helps. However, Rapini says it gets easier when you make healthy choices (eat right, exercise, exercise, stress management). Better yet: do these things with your partner, which can make your bond stronger, something that you understand gets you in the mood. (Find more inner calm and build strength in minutes a day with WH With yoga DVD!)
You jump from one relationship to another
Interestingly, having more sex partners doesn’t make you a better lover, says Rapini, who adds that most people tend to be “average.” She says that when you’re on a serial date, you’re continually looking for the perfect match to wow you. If enter and exit relationships seems easy, you may also be dealing with an underlying fear of intimacy. And listen, there is nothing 100% wrong with exploring and having fun. You do you. Just pay attention to your why.
Ever in the mood lately? Watch a sexy doc explain why you have low libido:
In addition to this, you need to know more about it.
In addition to this, you need to know more about it.
You think it’s your birth control pill
It’s easy to blame hormones if you’re not all hot in the sheets these days. But if you think this is the pill you’re taking (and you don’t want to stop it for physical reasons or, well, birth control reasons), you can assume that you are doomed to a chill sex life. Not so fast. A study in 2016 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that hormonal contraception was not a big factor in long-term sex drive in couples – relationship factors make the difference more. The lesson: Taking the pill doesn’t determine your bedroom’s fate, so if you’re having trouble, it’s time to investigate the real cause.
Your partner is watching other women
Yeah, that makes you angry — WTF. But really, it hurts, and it makes you want to do something other than jump in bed. “You absolutely have to tell your partner that you don’t like it when he does things like staring at other women or Google women right in front of you. Express that it makes you feel bad about yourself and that it lowers your libido, ”explains Rapini. “When guys hear that, they listen,” she adds. Oh, and it’s not a “bitchy” gesture to do it – telling them what you want is anything but harassing or controlling.
Certain underlying medications and medical conditions, such as thyroid disorders, can crush your libido. If relationship problems are not a factor and you are struggling with other symptoms (such as a change in appetite or mood), consult your doctor. They may be able to assess your Rxs to see if you are taking anything that is having sexual side effects, as well as to determine if there is a medical problem that needs to be treated. Your libido is not just “all in your head”.
He’s not great in bed
This brings us to our next point. Rapini sees a lot of women in their mid-thirties who tell him that their partner is a great husband and father, but that they are not good in bed. “I ask them to rate how important it is to them,” she said. You might want to start a family now, so dad skills trump bedroom skills. The remedy: talk about whatever you want in the bedroom, to help update her abilities.
Related: 7 sex moves that put you in control
You’ve been together for a long time
Welp, hope the love is still growing. “In the end, even great lovers aren’t great lovers anymore,” Rapini says. Surprisingly, “in long-term relationships, more women than men are likely to be bored,” she adds. Be open to exploring new things, like going on a date sex toy shopping or looking for ideas online can help bring new, satisfying experiences to your room.
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